The Politics of Personals

This is a post I added to the women seeking women section of craigslist, a message board haunted by angry women. They rant about how men TOTALLY WANT THEM
(Marta sez: Git over it. Probably I seen meny lesbians, some hot; meny, eh, not so hot),
and about bi-curious ladies. Evidently most of the lesbians of SF Craigslist would like to tell the bi/bi-curious women to go screw. This is my exhibitionist response.

I've masturbated to ideas and images of women, since my earliest sexual memories. One day I decided that I was one of the gays. I was about 13 years old. I urgently wanted to be part of the gay community, partially because it felt naturally easy and partially in response to a general need to belong. My family was falling apart at the time, and I loved the concept of the gay community as people who are loving and supportive to people otherwise considered sexually freaky, like me.

I came out at my first opportunity. I was 13, and in Hebrew school. We were having a guided conversation about social issues and I made mention of my bisexuality as though it were as normal as eating bread. My best friend at the time was hurt that I hadn't told her yet. She confronted me one night when I was crawling into bed at her house -- bed being on her couch, while she slept in her own bed, in a loft. She asked me how lesbians had sex. As I recall I honestly answered that I didn't know

Over the years I've looked at a lot of porn, fantasized about countless acquaintances and friends, and have had enough actual sexual experiences to know that I am truly lesbian, in part. I had one relationship with a good friend that played out over some years and ended with my heart broken so thoroughly that occasionally ached even two years later. However, most of my serious relationships have been with men. Around 21 years old I tried to break into the lesbian scene of SF, but it just didn't work for me. I felt shunned, I didn't know how to talk to girls, or attract attention. I stayed with men because it was easy and gratifying enough.

Now I finally am 'breaking into the lesbian scene': making lesbian friends, going to lesbian events and being so bold as to hit on women. I feel like for the first time in my life I really am coming out, and it feels amazing. Part of me wonders if I actually am a lesbian, just now coming to realize how much more satisfying lesbianism can be. Underneath all that sort of prophesy and second guessing I hold the belief that I still am bisexual, as I always have been, and that I am finally allowing my lesbian side to shine. It is a good experience for me, and I am proud to be part lesbian.

All things taken into consideration, I am bisexual. I am attracted to men and women. I am not attracted to people who fight the notion of gender, though I can see myself with a transgendered person. The binary definition of gender just makes a lot of sense to me. Sex with men makes a lot of sense to me. Sex with women makes a surprising amount of sense to me. The most important decision I have made is to be true to myself, without shame.

As for curiousity, such as bi-curiousity, or even straight-curiousity among defined lesbian women, go for it. I say there is no shame in being curious.